Chapter2 "The Flashbacks"
Her dark brown wavy hair falling on her shoulders just like a waterfall, her usual big sunglasses which was covering most of her face. She was wearing long sleeve striped black and white top with a black skirt. So casual, so natural, so pretty as I have always known her for.
"Oh my god! This is really you! Oh my god! Khalid!" shockingly her voice was, her expressions exposed her shock, I could see her squeezing her sons hand so hard. I looked into her eyes with silence for few seconds. "Cosa stai dicendo?" (What are you saying?) I replied with a very cold tone. "Sorry, are you not Khalid?" she asked with a tone that was still mixed with shockness. "Scuzi signora! No capisco!" (I'm sorry Miss, I don’t understand) I smiled at the boy, shaked his dark brown hair and left.
I learnt in my life to be a master in hiding emotions, feelings, and shocking expressions. But I always had one weakness, my eyes! Every time they let me down. Once someone looks deeply into my eyes, he will notice that I have a lot to say. If I was wearing my sunglasses on that day, she wouldn’t have had noticed me. Maybe she would still have had noticed me, maybe she would still have had approached me, but I would have had convinced her that it was not me. Because my eyes were exposed to her, my techniques in hiding expressions did not work well with her.
I have moved from a city to another in the past ten years. I lived in Ibiza, Spain for a year, and then I moved to London, England for couple of years before I decided to live in Rome, Italy. Throughout these years I have bumped into a lot of people who were at one point of time my friends. None of them have recognized me, none of them looked. I remember once in London I was in Hummingbirds cupcakes in south Kensington having my favorite red velvet cupcakes when my two close friends Hamad and Sahar walked in the place to order. They stood next to me. I thought they recognized me when Sahar smiled at me and said good morning. But she did not, and walked away with Hamad the moment they paid for their cupcakes. I wondered at that time, did they forget me? Did I change? Or was it life's circumstances that makes one of your best friends greet you not knowing that the stranger she is greeting is the same person who she and her husband used to have him as a guest on a weekly basis in their house?
I couldn’t focus on my work when I entered my office on that day after lunch. I just laid my head on the brown wooded desk thinking of her. Was I happy to see her face? Or was I sad because she brought all the memories of my past again? I was never close with her anyways, I don’t know if I can even consider her a friend. We spoke on little occasions, I was nice to her, she was nice to me. But deep inside, she was the only one who had the effect to force my veins running more blood into my heart which made it beat faster. After all these years, after all what happened to me, she still had this effect on me. Did she know about it? I was sure she did, as I mentioned earlier, my eyes.. my weakness.
I spent few hours thinking before I decided to leave the office and head back to the apartment. I wore my black blazer on top of my black shirt and switched off the office lights. It was getting dark already outside. As I walked towards the apartment, I felt that someone was following me; I had a feeling that it was her. I turned around, but what I saw was the empty streets of Rome.
I did not sleep that night, I started to think about her and how desperate I was back then for a smile or a hi from her. Then I went thinking about my past, about my friends, about the guys, the good old days in the maylas (guest room). I remember all the fights whenever they played FIFA on the playstation 3, Firas and Bu Ahmed daily fights. I remembered Hamad, Sahar, Kamal, and Basma. And the amount of fun we used to have at Hamads place. I will never forget how Basma used to hate my silly sarcastic jokes; I wish I knew something about her now. I remembered Starbucks Saar, and how I used to go there with Mustafa my friend too many times that at one point I knew all the people seated there. I smiled remembering those memories, but then my family came to my mind. My father, my mother, my sisters, my brother, and my nephew. I often sigh when I remember... I often spill a tear, over those not here.. I still blame myself for all what happened.
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