The Sunglasses Effect - Chapter 3 - The Meeting

Chapter3 "The meeting"

Two days passed since that awkward moment. My life started to go back to its routine. I remember that day, the weather was cloudy and the air breeze was cool. I went to work taking the car for a change; I knew that if I didn’t move it, the tires would go flat. Whenever I start the engine I can feel the sound of the exhaust running in the whole car and into my brain. I entered the office after parking the car in front of the building gate. As I walked through the steps and into the door I could smell a female fragrance in the air. The smell of a French fragrance mixed with jasmine smell, it reminded me of one of my friends, Marwa. As I opened the door, my secretary looked at me in anxiousness. I told her "What is wrong Samantha?" she replied, "one of your customers is waiting inside your office, she insisted sir, she said that she has some important papers and couldn't wait outside the room. I didn’t reply at her and walked straight to my offices door. Samantha always does stupid things! I don’t know why I am not replacing this dump British lady! She doesn’t even dress nicely! Baggy pants and baggy shirt! So style less! Why blame her? She is British after all. My god! Didn’t she learn anything from the Italians! Thanks god she is finishing her college course soon, so I can look for a replacement. Maybe a Japanese one, they are far more organized and work by the rules. That’s what I thought.

I opened the door imagining my new Japanese secretary when I came back to reality seeing a lady standing in front of my office, holding my picture with Andrea Agnelli and the late player Allesandro Del Piero. Grey ballerina, a pair of jeans, and a white top which was blocked by  the long dark brown wavy hair. The moment she turned facing me I said "Signora, che cosa fa qui?" (Miss, what are you doing here?). "STOP THE CRAP!" she replied in a hard tone. "Signora, ma…" (miss, but…). "Cut it, Khalid, cut it! I know it's you! You can't fool me! I saw it in your eyes! You might have changed and you might have tried to lie to me. But guess what? Your eyes didn’t lie!". Still trying to escape this situation I started mumbling more in Italian until she came forward to me holding my shoulders. She shaked my shoulders hard and said "10 years! 10 years of running away! Didn’t you even think of Ali! You left him alone in this world! In a world where he could used a help of an uncle raising him up!" I turned around, walked through the black leather sofa and threw myself on it, facing the floor and holding my head. I felt her approaching me, sitting on the small table in front of the sofa and saying with a soft voice "Where have you been? What have happened to you? Some people think that you are dead already. Some people think that you are dead! Basma always remembers you with a tear, as well as Hanan" She kept talking and talking and talking. I was just facing the floor. She stopped talking after a long time of throwing words and sentences. And after a while of silence, I raised my head and said "Samar, lovely kid! When did you get married?" and I raised my head to the back of the sofa and faced the ceiling. "Samar, Samar, Samar, it is not the time to talk about anything, I don’t want to express, I don’t want to share, I don’t want anything. Please leave and please don’t tell anyone about this you seeing me". "Stop this new personality Khalid! Since when you started acting this way?" I stood up in anger and said "Who are you anyways to come and throw all this on me now? Who are you to find out where I work and come asking me these questions? You weren’t even a friend Samar! We barely knew each other" She stood up and said "Yes, we barely knew each other. But Khalid, I knew that you always treated me nicer than many of your friends! Well I am not looking for any answers or anything. I just had to come and talk to you! You are Khalid after all, one of the most respected men I've ever knew in my life! So please stop doing this, and stop blaming yourself for what have happened. Because what happened to your family was not your fault! You are a faithful man Khalid, everything happens for a reason, and god had a reason behind all this". I replied sarcastically "yeah yeah, blame it on God; we tend to blame all bad circumstances on God! Gods will! Gods will! Please Samar, I don’t need this! Please go and live your life with your husband and kid and stop worrying about me!". Samar went to the table, took her torques Channel bag and said "All right Khalid, live your life! Enjoy your wealthiness ALONE! Live pathetically and die pathetically! Keep blaming yourself and leave Ali alone! Oh wait… you are already doing that!" She left in anger.

The first thing I did was calling Samantha in my office, yelled at her and asked her to leave the office and take a one month non pay leave. Then I looked into the window and saw Samar walking outside the building talking in the phone. I just wished that she was not telling anyone that she saw me. I just wished that none of this happened. But you never get what you want.

(( I wrote this chapter in Fukuoka, Japan, 16th January 2011))

The Sunglasses Effect - Chapter 2 - The Flashbacks

Chapter2 "The Flashbacks"

Her dark brown wavy hair falling on her shoulders just like a waterfall, her usual big sunglasses which was covering most of her face. She was wearing long sleeve striped black and white top with a black skirt. So casual, so natural, so pretty as I have always known her for.

"Oh my god! This is really you! Oh my god! Khalid!" shockingly her voice was, her expressions exposed her shock, I could see her squeezing her sons hand so hard. I looked into her eyes with silence for few seconds. "Cosa stai dicendo?" (What are you saying?) I replied with a very cold tone. "Sorry, are you not Khalid?" she asked with a tone that was still mixed with shockness. "Scuzi signora! No capisco!" (I'm sorry Miss, I don’t understand) I smiled at the boy, shaked his dark brown hair and left.

I learnt in my life to be a master in hiding emotions, feelings, and shocking expressions. But I always had one weakness, my eyes! Every time they let me down. Once someone looks deeply into my eyes, he will notice that I have a lot to say. If I was wearing my sunglasses on that day, she wouldn’t have had noticed me. Maybe she would still have had noticed me, maybe she would still have had approached me, but I would have had convinced her that it was not me. Because my eyes were exposed to her, my techniques in hiding expressions did not work well with her.

I have moved from a city to another in the past ten years. I lived in Ibiza, Spain for a year, and then I moved to London, England for couple of years before I decided to live in Rome, Italy. Throughout these years I have bumped into a lot of people who were at one point of time my friends. None of them have recognized me, none of them looked. I remember once in London I was in Hummingbirds cupcakes in south Kensington having my favorite red velvet cupcakes when my two close friends Hamad and Sahar walked in the place to order. They stood next to me. I thought they recognized me when Sahar smiled at me and said good morning.  But she did not, and walked away with Hamad the moment they paid for their cupcakes. I wondered at that time, did they forget me? Did I change? Or was it life's circumstances that makes one of your best friends greet you  not knowing that the stranger she is greeting is the same person who she and her husband used to have him as a guest on a weekly basis in their house?

I couldn’t focus on my work when I entered my office on that day after lunch. I just laid my head on the brown wooded desk thinking of her. Was I happy to see her face? Or was I sad because she brought all the memories of my past again? I was never close with her anyways, I don’t know if I can even consider her a friend. We spoke on little occasions, I was nice to her, she was nice to me. But deep inside, she was the only one who had the effect to force my veins running more blood into my heart which made it beat faster. After all these years, after all what happened to me, she still had this effect on me. Did she know about it? I was sure she did, as I mentioned earlier, my eyes.. my weakness.

I spent few hours thinking before I decided to leave the office and head back to the apartment. I wore my black blazer on top of my black shirt and switched off the office lights. It was getting dark already outside. As I walked towards the apartment, I felt that someone was following me; I had a feeling that it was her. I turned around, but what I saw was the empty streets of Rome.

I did not sleep that night, I started to think about her and how desperate I was back then for a smile or a hi from her. Then I went thinking about my past, about my friends, about the guys, the good old days in the maylas (guest room). I remember all the fights whenever they played FIFA on the playstation 3, Firas and Bu Ahmed daily fights. I remembered Hamad, Sahar, Kamal, and Basma. And the amount of fun we used to have at Hamads place. I will never forget how Basma used to hate my silly sarcastic jokes; I wish I knew something about her now. I remembered Starbucks Saar, and how I used to go there with Mustafa my friend too many times that at one point I knew all the people seated there. I smiled remembering those memories, but then my family came to my mind. My father, my mother, my sisters, my brother, and my nephew. I often sigh when I remember... I often spill a tear, over those not here.. I still blame myself for all what happened.

The Sunglasses Effect - Chapter one - "The Routine"

I have never imagined that one single act such as forgetting to wear your sunglasses would carry many consequences that would change the course of the life which you have lived for the past ten years.  This is exactly what happened to me.

Since I moved to live in Rome few years back, my daily life started to be defined with the basic word "Routine", except for every other weekend where I would fly my private jet north to Turin to attend Juventus games whenever they are playing home. Although I have been invited to attend any game I want in the executive suite of the club by the head of the club Andrea Agnelli, whom I have built a good relationship with because of the history with the Agnelli family (owners of Juventus club and major shareholders in FIAT group)  in executing some profitable real estate deals to them, I would always prefer to cover my face with the late Juventus legend Allesandro Del Pieros scarf and stand in the "Curva sud" location, which is the south stand of the stadium which is known to hold the ultra fans which are called "the Drughi's". My issues with John Elkann (Managing Director of FIAT Group and Andrea's cousin) were never the reason of why I have always avoided the executive suite. Andrea knew that despite my issues with his cousin, the main reason was that I have always avoided public places when are surrounded by media. But my love to Juventus forced me to be there in the field and watch them play, my love to Juventus is very special and rare because I have forgot what love really means, love was eliminated from my life, there are no emotions in my soul… do I even have a soul? What I have can only be described as an empty dark tunnel, a long tunnel where I saw a light coming from the end of it. This light was not the escape from the darkness; this light was a train coming my way. I have lost all means of love, joy, and pleasure, except when I see Juventus play. Andrea understood that, how can he not understand me when he was the only person who I have spoken to about my tragedy. The tragedy which I have never expected to get worse because of a single act, forgetting my sunglasses.

My "Routine" starts when my alarm interrupts the loud silence in my penthouse apartment to wake me up for Fajers(dawn) prayer, usually I'd still be awake, I did not have a straight 5 hours sleep in years except in some limited counted occasions. Frequent set ups and pushups before I leave the apartment which is located near the Colosseum. I usually take a run towards the Colosseum and whenever Guiseppe is guarding the spectacular landmark he would let me sneak in and continue my run in the ancient roman arena. More often I plug my ipod to the amazingly piece of art albums of DJ Tiesto's Search of Sunrise series, no matter how old they get, they keep me company and they bring  lots of memories back. I get my coffee on my way back from Rossi café' next to my apartment. I always ask myself if Starbucks ever going to open an outlet in Rome? It's been years since the last time I had a sip of a White Mocha, I would never forget the taste of that last sip which I had in London 6 years back, walking in Carnaby street, having my last sip of White Mocha. I would then shower, get dressed up silently, mostly in a black suit with a black shirt. Black color is the closest thing to be described about me. That’s why most of my clothes are black. Mostly I'd walk to the office leaving my dream car, the red Ferrari F50 which I have bought and not used much in the garage. I reach my office, start my mac and begin working. Since I moved to Rome I have been working in the real estate business where I got lucky in executing many successful deals and gaining some crazy million dollars fees. I usually grab a bite from Ristorante Alla Rampa which is hiding near the famous Spanish Steps, go back to the office and work for another couple of hours before I leave the office back to the apartment to read until the Alarm mixes up with the silence again.

Why did I forget my sunglasses at the office? My day went "Routinely great". Surprisingly, I had some four hours sleep, I did hundreds of setups and pushups, I had a great run, and Giuseppe was there. At the office, I sold a big land in Sardinia to one wealthy French man; French are always stupid when it comes to spending. They never negotiate and accept the very first price offered, so my Sardinian client decided to give me a good cut. But wait a second, really? Does money really matters in my case? I used to dream of becoming extra wealthy, but now when I have it all, the money, the connections; it is worthless without your basics, simple basic needs. I went to Alla Rampa to have lunch as usual, but while having lunch I discovered that I forgot my sunglasses in the office, not a big deal I thought. And I had no idea what was coming next. I left the restaurant after having a T bone steak and headed back to the office. It was summer and Rome was packed with tourists, as I kept walking towards the office I thought I heard something behind me, I did not stop, I continued walking, then I heard it again, this time I was sure, it was a lady's voice calling my name "Khalid! Khalid!" it has been years since someone called my name this way in public. I did not turn around and continued walking, but she was insisting until I felt a hand tapping on the back of my shoulders, I had to turn around, I turned around and I faced the lady. I was shocked, out of all the people I knew in my life, out of all the places in the world, here she was, standing in front of me, holding the hands of whom I have guessed, her son.